Internet Date

Change is a scary thing even for us adults, so just imagine how much scarier things must be to our children. Our lives and choices effect them in so many ways. They are forced to roll with the punches with very little say in the situations and life changes that take place. It’s because of this that we need to make sure that we really stop to think about their feelings and involve them as much as possible.

Recently I read an article posted by the University of New Hampshire Cooperative Extension titled “Single Parenting: Dating Issues When You Have Children”. They posted some really interesting information along with the information I’ve listed below. Make sure you take the time to read it and apply this information to your lives. Remember your child(ren) are #1 always, a man or woman can’t be your top priority.

Advice For Single Parents: Dating After Kids

“Many parents have found the following ideas helpful when introducing and adjusting to family changes. Remember, change rarely comes without pain. Yet it’s possible to make the transitions smoother by talking with your children.

• Explain that dating is similar to their spending time with friends.
• Prepare your children before introducing a new date.
• Children may be confused. Let them know you’re not dating because you don’t like spending time with them. Rather, you need to spend time with adults who have similar interests.
• Don’t spend too much time with your new friend. As everyone gets used to one another,gradually increase the amount of time you all spend together.
• If there are times you usually spend with your children, keep that time for them only.
• Spend time with your children before and after your date. They will be less likely to feel your friend is taking you away from them.
• Meet your new friend in other places, instead of always at your home.
• If you know of something specific that upsets your child, let your date know ahead of time.

When beginning a new relationship, consider the following:
• Take time to listen to your child’s feelings about your new relationship without being defensive or giving explanations. Tell your child that you understand his or her feelings.
• Ask your child if she or he would be willing to listen to you, and why you want to spend time with your new friend.
• Make sure your actions match your words. For example, if you tell your child you will be back from your date before he or she goes to bed, be sure to get home on time.
• Do some problem solving to find solutions that work for everyone concerned. For example, you may decide only to date on weekends when your children are with your ex-spouse.
• Above all, be patient. It will take time for your children to adjust to your having relationships with other adults.”